Happy February everybody.
I think it is safe to say that January took its sweet time. But I am so glad it did. This past month has been anything but calm and surreal. Filled with so much uncertainty in choices that I once thought I had done the work to cement; somehow, they were disintegrating right before my eyes. Which naturally leads to a lot of doubt. Not just doubt of what the future could appear as but more so the doubt of ‘did I handle it right the first time?’ Now that crippling thought holds a lot more power than just a simple negative conversation with oneself. It seems the progress we have made once can come crumbling down with a whisper of a wind.
Often, I hear clients say they are losing their progress when they don’t handle a situation where they know better how to act. All this time they had spent rewiring their brains, looking at different perspectives, and providing compassion to themselves and others was not absolute. Either it wasn’t fast enough or not permanent enough. And here I was, believing the same thing – questioning my ability to stand back up again.
Now, I wish I could rely on the strength of a tough soldier who gets up no matter how many times it is knocked down. The mentality of giving no fucks until the job is done. But I am not built like that – I fell, I gave into my sorrows, I slept away my nightmares. Until I remembered who I was.
When life pushes us to extremes and paints us so vividly in a light we disapprove of, we only have one choice. To change. But that one choice is buried deep in false perceptions and realities. Here is where our resilience and progress come into play. We need the trust within ourselves not just to get up but also to walk in the direction we need.
So, I got up. Wiped my tears. Changed my reaction to the stress. It was not that my thoughts of pessimism and uncertainty disappeared, but my belief in great power – of my fortitude – was inviolable.
January might have been slower to pass by, but I am glad it was. As it allowed me the graciousness of time to remember my own capability.
