Well, wouldn’t you like to know? I get it; we have an innate need to be liked, chosen, or be the favourite. That life revolves around us, and how dare we not be the main character of our own story. If, for whatever reason, we do not feel like we are the main character of that said story, then we speak about those exact hardships to explain why we are not. All in hopes that the story becomes the telling tale we therapists remember.
Our lives are a lot like a movie in many ways, with many moving parts, exciting characters, jaw-dropping twists and endless turns that keep us in our seats. All in hopes that we find that true love or the happy ending we have been longing for since we can remember. So, of course, we want that story to be the best yet. We want the person we are coming to be not only to listen and help guide us to make decisions to better our lives. But we also want them to validate those experiences and selfishly be like, “that fucking sucks!” We all have some narcissism in us. If it makes you feel any better, I can honestly say that there isn’t anything that anyone can say to me in sessions anymore that is surprising or revolting. But to answer the question, do I have a favourite client, past or present … well the answer is yes but also no. Ethically speaking, of course, I don’t have a favourite client. I don’t provide any bias in any services or care. However, specific clients and certain sessions provide more nuance than others. Absolutely. Some individuals have a way with words, while others have the same tribulations as myself, and some interact the exact way a close friend would. And so, if I had met them in any other circumstance, I truly believe we would be good friends. Those clients are the ones I look forward to. Those are the sessions after a long, stimulating day that can be a fresh breath of air. I feel accomplished and validated in my profession when the day is done. The same validation the client hopes to receive when they feel heard.
Now, some clients are a little more challenging to crack than others. They could match the same descriptions of those favourite clients I spoke of earlier, but there’s more at stake. I don’t believe that every therapist that is a therapist is meant to be a therapist. That’s my opinion. But when I meet somebody for the first time, and they trust me enough to open the door, I take it as my responsibility to do what I can to help this person. This means sometimes I take on the pressure to go out of my way to find the best therapeutic support. So, a client that is, in all terms and definitions, a client I would enjoy, I have now added the internal pressure to do my best. So naturally, they fall off that list very quickly.
I think all therapists have their niche. If they don’t, they are still in the process of finding that out. I quickly came to know mine. So, when a new client comes along the way or topics begin to match that niche like a puzzle piece we could not find, I turn off that camera at the end of the session with a smile. A smile representing that I know what I am doing and I cannot wait to begin. It brings profound joy. Ultimately, the same selfishness a client may have to be the favourite, it is my own selfishness in my own competency that categorizes which client is my favourite too. Where I know I am the best suited to do this work with this person.
This job is not an easy job. Now that I am becoming more seasoned in this profession, I am beginning to see more and more the downsides. It can be tiring, mentally exhausting, and not precisely the stability we are known to strive for. Sometimes, holding everyone’s stresses can place a more considerable burden than I may have bargained for. But even with all that, I can honestly say this job has made me a better person. I have not always been the nicest kid on the playground, and the qualities you see in me as a client to a therapist, and as appreciated as they are, have come with time and growing pains. Maybe it is a natural part of growing up or a phase we must go through to help redefine who we are. But more than anything, this job has allowed me to become the person I wanted to be. So, favourite or not, each of you has changed my life for the better.
Originally published on February 24, 2024.
