Anger represents the worst version of ourselves. At least, that’s what we think it represents. It’s an emotion of limited control and the worst damage. So naturally, humans are avoidant of this emotion. If we don’t acknowledge it, then it can’t hurt us.
Most of us have seen our loved ones presented in the most disappointing versions of themselves when they have been angry. Either we saw our parents scream, yell, throw things in rage and then go back to the regular routine the following day with no mention of what transpired the night before. We see our partners participate in irrational behaviours and manipulate us into thinking that we have no right to be angry. Politicians continue to fight in rage, strangers rarely show kindness, and anger becomes an emotion we see everywhere yet never truly feel. Not the way it is meant to be felt. Ironic, isn’t it, how the one thing we actively avoid is the most accessible emotion to us.
That’s the thing with anger; we only see the worst versions of it. Our relationship with this specific emotion has always been painted with the worst colours in our palette. So, we begin to tolerate it more than we understand it. One thing I have always said to my clients who display tendencies of anger-filled behaviour is that feeling this emotion is a good
thing. First, it means you still care. That you still give a shit about what is transpiring. Second, it is the most accessible emotion in our arsenal. This means that we can retrieve it at any given moment, not only if a trigger is present. Third, it initiates pain. The pain we are not ready to feel. Yes, pain can be labelled as its own emotion, “that was extremely painful.” But the manifestations of pain are so much deeper. It’s so much more profound. And so, if the fear of anger and our history of lack of control shows us anything, it is that the true culprit is our fear of the unknown in any given situation.
Learning to control anger is more than just the mere simplification of projection. It is a testament to our strength. Anger is volatile. Unpredictable. But also passionate and vulnerable. In its rainbow of delicacies, if we can learn to tame it and use it for a directed purpose, it is an unmatched force of dedication and purpose. A motivation that feels like it will never run out.
But it does.
What is left behind is the knowledge of the power that we can wield if needed and will do so again when the next moment of pain arises. It is the true sign of resilience. The first step is overcoming one’s fears.
Next time, your anger begins to take over. Imagine yourself at the base of a new rocket launch. A journey you have been preparing to handle and navigate for a long time. As the time approaches for takeoff, all anger represents is the propulsion for your rocket to get you out of the atmosphere you no longer belong in. But once you hit the void of your solar system, that fuel is no longer present, hence no longer serving its purpose. There is no propulsion directing your
navigation. The anger we use to falsely control others and/or motivation will run out. Then, the only thing left to navigate this mission is your self-trust.
Originally published on March 04, 2024.
