I can see.
Well, I wasn’t blind, to begin with, but my vision was not necessarily a strength I promoted. But this past week has taught me many lessons as I recovered in bed without any stimulations or distractions. All my hobbies were thrown out the window, exposure to sunlight turned me into a vampire, and the lack of movement made me go crazy. Even after a while of rest, sleep also begins to be not an option. Mentally, I had prepared myself to be of screens, even though I occasionally snuck a peek at my emails. I have come to an age where I check my emails more than any social media account.
But as I lay there, on my comfy and irresistible bed, with fairy lights shining, an audiobook playing The Fourth Wing, and my alarm ringing every hour to remind me to put my eye drops in, I realized something. Time went just as fast as if I had a jam-packed social schedule or a full client load. And if time was in a hurry, even when I was dying of boredom, that can only mean one thing – time is only in race with itself, not us.
There comes a time when everyone begins to see their peers and people they love begin reaching milestones they have been fighting for or craving. It doesn’t take away our genuine joy for their achievement but makes us feel as if we are not enough quite yet. This could be for anything marriage, career, travel, kids – but somehow, even though we know it is not our time, we are left with this feeling of melancholy. Now, we can be healthy here and do our best to fight the judgements that we have created in hopes of their motivation kicking in, or you can do what I did, which was get impatient. Slowing down was not something I am used to, nor if I am honest with myself, something I enjoy. But when it comes to health, my brain will slow down because it knows that if I rush this process, it’s going to bite me in my ass later on. But I am glad I did. As the days went by, and my vision came back less strained and fuzzy, as I began to move around and soak up the sun rays, I realized that if time was going to move at its speed, then the best I could do was let it know where I wanted to go. Just nudging in a direction that I think fits who I am. And then trust. Trust that what is needed to happen will happen on its own accord. The only thing I can do is fight my impatience, which I am still learning to do.
