Now, before you start reading this, I would like to profess that this entry is personal and not scientific. I have nothing to back this up other than my truth, which may not even be accurate to begin with.
Sometimes, I wonder if the sadness of I feel will always stay. No matter how much I work, reflect and try to be in the moment, the moment is fleeting, but not my emotions. Now, I can quickly turn and blame why I feel that way. The trauma that has led me to be in this position. But that’s a story for another day and not the objective here. When I feel happiness,I also feel a longing. When the tearsfall down my face, I feel the gutpunch like I have never felt more. This makes me think, will the sadness within me never leave?
I think there is a big piece of victim mentality. That the molecular change in my psyche wasn’t caused by me.
I did not play an active role in what was thrown at me. So, these emotions, especially the negative ones, are not for me to handle. And if I am going to work through them, I will make sure that everyone knows this is unfair. That piece of accountability is rare.
But we already know that. This is not new information. We must deal with what life throws at us, and only grace and gratitude will improve the process.
But I don’t think that uncovers the true sadness. When we experience heartache, when we grow up in dysfunction, when we fall to our knees because we don’t know what else to do. That isn’t a victim mentality. That is our reality. And it only shines a light that it is unhealthy when we see something good. When we seefunctioning with positive emotions. So, you cannot expect to look through a clear lens and not be shocked at the road ahead when all you have ever seen through is broken and jagged
glass. That is the difference.
Now, we don’t get to choose what life gives us. But we can learn to make it something else. I think sad people will have a piece of sadness that will never go away. But it won’t be the only thing that defines them. It will be a part of their story, and it will be a part of their decision-making. But it won’t be all of it. The only thing we sad people have to keep in mind is that we have to fight a little harder to find a clear lens and not revert back to the jagged one just because it is comfortable. It is also essential that we keep people in our lives, not only sad people like us, but people who understand that our sadness does not mean we are damaged. We just have some edges that can hurt. And those people might not be sad like us, but their time will come. Sadness does not skip over happy people.
So, I am sad. But my sadness also leadsme to be the person I am. I just have tobe mindful to make room for otheremotions.
Originally published on January 08, 2024.
