Recently I went to a concert. Now, I am no stranger to concerts – from festivals to arenas and sometimes even the dingiest venues. But this one was so God damn beautiful. The artist in question – none other than Mr. Childish Gambino. I have witnessed Mr. Gambino’s talents once before at a festival in Osheaga. It was the first time I had experienced music of that magnitude, and I felt something I never knew that existed before. A sensation where it felt like I was meant to experience everything and anything. So, when the chance came to participate in that feeling again, I did not miss the opportunity.
What I truly remember from this night is how deeply connected and in awe I was. Not just by the artistry and the music that was so deeply felt by thousands of others in the same room, but also despite being in the presence of company which can be triggering for me, and my mind playing riddled with the help of my insecurities, I had never felt so intrigued with the moment in front of me. Ever since I have been dabbling in these newsletters, my creativity has grown. I like to think I might have also become a decent writer. But more than anything, I find myself being inspired so much more.
During the concert, there were moments where the status quo of the audience was to sit in the seats until their favourite performer came on stage or if they knew the song. Fair. I don’t work that way. If I am in a place where this good music and the opportunity to learn melodies I did not know, I will get my ass out of that seat and dance. Despite being told to sit down, when the performances ended, the same person observed that whilst everyone was twiddling their thumbs waiting for the opening act to finish, one other person (the security guard) and I were dancing and having the time of their life. This comment made me smile. Not because of the irony but because this was the exact moment where I allowed myself to be my authentic self. I put my triggers and insecurities to rest and recognized that if I went along with the norm, I was participating in a microaggression against myself.
Even if you don’t know the music, you are in a setting to be moved. To be inspired. Take it. Becoming ourselves is not just about healing and reflecting, it’s also rejoining the small opportunities we have in our day to day to show up for that version of ourselves. If I could capture that feeling in the bottle, I would. I vividly remember during one of the performances that no matter what I had been going through and what I had been feeling prior, it must be a beautiful thing in this world, at least in my opinion, that even in all the pain, we must have done enough healing to recognize that moment in front of us is exceptional. And we permit ourselves to soak it all in.
Oftentimes, we hear and say, ‘I keep getting mad at these small things. I keep getting angry and yelling, even though I know I am wrong.” The triggers keep happening; essentially, even though we are trying, the progress never seems to exceed the mistakes. Getting triggered is one of the most frustrating parts of ourselves when we are trying to heal. But we must remind ourselves in those moments that we are not ourselves when we are triggered. We become who we think we need to be to survive.
If we choose to remain in the relationships or environments that keep triggering us, then our nervous system will be activated. We will be in fight or flight mode. That’s when our identity begins to slip away because our values and personalities are constantly being hijacked and attacked by thoughts of fear, panic and survival. It’s not always as simple as walking away from what is triggering us. If we cannot, then we have to damn sure set the boundaries where they are needed.
Everyone’s journey will look different. The only conclusion we can generally concede to is that we learn from each other. I know I cannot share my deepest struggles and mistakes with you all, but please know that the pain I have felt has broken me many, many times. If I can stand in that moment of pure creativity and bliss and see that I can enjoy this moment, that I have the capability to do so, that is because it means more to me than what is going on around me, and I owe it to myself to feel it.
My biggest hope for anyone reading this is that if that opportunity arises—a concert, meet-and-greet, nature walk, or simple conversation—you will remember how far you have come and permit yourself to feel what is in the moment. Who knows what will come out of it?
What kind of concerts has the author attended before, and how does this one compare?
Hi,
I have seen quite a few, ranging from the pop divas Ariana, Beyonce, to smaller indie concerts Jorja Smith, Ella Mai, to the Weeknd, Drake, Ed Sheeran, and many many more. I love festivals and concerts, live music has always been my favourite. Even if it is a small jazz club in Toronto’s corners. Now what I think that makes this concert so special, even though I have seen Childish Gambino at the Osheaga festival a few years prior is who I am now. I was 22 then, 28 now. 6 years of accomplishments, failures, heartbreak and earned financial stability. When you put all of those years and moments together, and if you are a person who can reflect and appreciate those moments, then you can see all those moments as very healing. That is what I found so special about that night – hell the music and production was amazing, and its a shame that this the full concert was cancelled for later shows, because his artistry is one of the best. But more than anything, it was a core memory because I will always be able to pinpoint that moment as something truly transformative in my healing. Hope this was helpful.