November 5, 2024

November 2024 Newsletter

Do you ever feel like one day you have all the answers in the world, and then the next second/day/week, you’re like, “Never mind?” Well, that was me this week.

Somehow, the same inspiration and wisdom that I was profoundly aware of and ready to make a change just last month disappeared in mere moments these past couple of weeks. The idea of moving forward and onward to something that will be a much healthier and better place for myself scared me. Usually, my anxiety is not a physical sensation; this time, it was. It took me a second to realize the habits that I was engaging in, even though from the outward appeared to be healthy enough, were not actually aligned with my own baseline. So, lo and behold … I burned out. And I burned out quickly. Usually, there are more tell signs for me, such as growing irritation, a lack of movement, and, generally, a desire to stop – not give up, but stop. But this time, I kept going because a part of me knew I was healing, had healed some parts, so the idea of not moving forward more than just a few steps did not sit right with me.

I often say healing is not linear. We are going to take more steps back then forward. Or sometimes, the adjustments are going to be so small that the difference is only seen in hindsight. But speaking from that same knowledge, I begin to think I am the exception to that rule. I know better, and thus, I can do better. But trauma does not discriminate. Healing does not favour your profession. In many ways, it might be worse. But that’s not the point. The point is that I am okay. That I will be okay. All of us will be okay. We have to remind ourselves that even though we had a plan of how it would look and be, we have to live in the time of now and not of what it could be. Even if it is terrible, and most importantly, even when it is good.

This month was a little tougher for me. Inspiration had run dry but the thoughts did not get quiet. I hope you all can still dive in and enjoy a little sneak peek into my brain once again. Now, I will say I had a very interesting conversation with another friend this past month who told me that I need to slow down. Not because ambition is not good, but mastery without appreciation is a cycle that will never yield to much. So, I am going to take this moment and thank myself for showing up every time I did not want to. I encourage you to do the same.

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