Happy March, everyone.
As I write this message, I come from a place where I am putting myself in your shoes. When we keep trying, keep listening, keep making those actions I don’t shut up about in sessions and set those boundaries with people we care about, and it still makes no difference. It is truly one of the most disheartening feelings out there. The truth of the matter is I know I can handle it. I have been handling it for a long time. It just doesn’t seem to get easier. The capability is and will never be in question, but my expectations don’t seem to go away even after I challenge them. To what end do we stop? To what end do I say I have done enough and cannot do it anymore?
I am not mad at the people around me. I am never angry at myself for my shortcomings. I am sad that I keep trying in the healthiest ways and still the end is nowhere in sight.
So, my message to you is to let yourself be sad. Let yourself be a mess. But promise yourself that you’ll try a little harder each day. Because I can attest to this promise – I set difficult and healthy boundaries with people who are unaware of the damage they are causing because they do not have the capability to do anything different. And by doing so, I walk away with a lot of sadness. But when you handle yourself the way you promised to and take it day by day, you will learn things about yourself that you didn’t know. You will discover that this whole time it’s not that maybe you deserved more, but realize you did deserve more. And then beautiful things happen. You become you again. You find happiness again. You learn how far you have come.
Then it happens all over again.
This is the trauma of breaking generational curses. It was never your burden to bear, but it became your responsibility when you chose to live a healthier life for yourself and your future.
PS. I love you, Mom.
